Patient zero of the hipster epidemic has been discovered

Patient zero of the hipster epidemic has been discovered

You know how when there is an outbreak of something terrible and while everyone scrambles to contain it, avoid it, and/or be terrified and baffled by it, there is a search for the source of said terrible thing?  For our purposes, the patient zero of the hipster epidemic, if you will?

Well, she has been discovered.

Granted, she has no beard, no glasses without lenses, no visible tattoos, shows far too much enthusiasm for life, and isn’t hiding the fact that she’s trying really hard to impress everyone by trying to look like she couldn’t care less, but… nevertheless, displayed before you here is the unmistakable combination of a fixed gear bicycle, gold anodizing, bizarro fashion sense, and, although for the purposes of this line of argument I will choose to temporarily disregard all the seriously impressive tricks she does with ease… a pretty good but not really that good trackstand.

The rest is really quite impressive.

Unfortunately the current whereabouts of Lilly Yokoi are unknown (to me), having vanished from the collective fixed-gear memory, presumably because of her grotesque lack of skids of any kind, and thus making the possibility of capture and the production of an anti-virus impossible.

Honestly, who would have guessed that the hipster epidemic would have still been infecting people? Didn’t Premium Rush effectively immunize everyone?

Anyway, whatever. I’m obviously just picking on an easy-to-pick-on group of people so I can feel supperior about myself, but I’ll still maintain that they had it coming… except for the nice ones, of which there are a few, I guess. They’re alright. But the lame ones definitely had it coming…

And now we make with the entertainment. From Japan (oooh! I’m an older white American from the 60’s and that sounds exotic! Even though she was born in New York!), Ms. Lilly Yokoi!

 

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